It was more than few years ago I was scratching out a living pushing a mop at MIT. You know, running around with my buddies, chasing skirts, drinking beer and hassling Barneys.
So, it was out of sheer boredom that I completed that “unsolvable” theorem written on a hallway chalkboard. After all, I was always good at arithmetic, what you less geniusey-types refer to as “math.” (Between you and I, I thought I was doing a Soduku.) Who knew?
Anyway, my therapist, Sean, who was total doppelgänger for Robin Williams, wanted one thing for me. Professor Lambeau wanted another. He repeatedly told me to call him Gerry and would call me, drunk, and invite me to his place to show me his “Fields Medal.” He’d say over and over, “It’s really big and impressive.” Whatever.
I decided to follow Sean’s advice. I left behind several lucrative job offers to follow this girl, Skylar, to Stanford University. I’d only gone out with her, like, three times. She had freckles, I think and she thought she could play in the NBA. Bitch, please!?!?
I hopped in my beater, that my boys bought me for my 21st birthday, and headed west. Unfortunately, the POS broke down outside of Goshen, Indiana. I just stayed there. I eventually got a gig doing nights on Goshen College radio. (Go Leafs!!!)
I eventually did make it out west, albeit not to California, but to Las Vegas where I now co-host the Chet Buchanan Show radio program. In addition, I write and produce comedy that airs nationally through Delicious Audio.
So you know, I haven’t completely gotten out of the math game. I’ve been known to balance an occasional check book and during tax time I do a little part-time work at Walmart in the Jackson-Hewitt kiosk.
Today, when people ask me, “How do I like them apples?” I respond, “In a pie with a golden brown flaky crust and maybe a dollop of Cool Whip.”
Fergilicious? More like Securilicious. Introducing the Fergie Ferg Home Security System.
The “Fergie Fallout,” safe words and don’t give Lorde acne advice. It’s episode 6 of the Church of Spencetology.
From the twisted mind of Spence, plug in, tune out with Make America Great Again Earplugs.
Valentine’s Day wasn’t just bad it was the worst ever, according to Spence’s Song of the Week.
We teamed up with the Fox 5 Surprise Squad and gave Tony and Angela a Valentine’s Day date they will never forget.
Curling? Come on! You don’t even understand what’s going on and neither does Spence. It’s his Song of the Week titled, “The Winter Olympics.”
Just in time for the Super Bowl, a song in honor of the G.O.A.T., Tom Brady. Check out the video for “Super Balls.”
Forget the experts, Spence has an infallible method for selecting the winner of the big game. Will Tom get his sixth or will Philly get its first?
A shout out to all of those convicted female felons out there. It’s a Spence original titled, “Felony Girl.”
Can you play the piano? Can you play the guitar? How about the rubber chicken? This dude can.